Birthday Cards To Make You Giggle

An unfortunate side effect of having friends is that they tend to have birthdays.

Every. Bloody. Year. And if you’ve known these friends for a while, apparently just writing on their Facebook wall is “lazy” and they get mad at you and say things like ”my parents can see that” and “why did you call me bucket flapsblah, blah, blah.

Best to play it safe and insult them the old fashioned way – on paper. Luckily for you, we’ve compiled a list of funny birthday cards to make you (and them) giggle.


*Not responsible for the loss of friendship

1. The Birthday llama – Funny Birthday card

Birthday llama - funny card

What better way to make sure your friends are enjoying their birthday than the ominous threat of the ‘birthday llama’?  I mean he looks pretty shifty, doesn’t he? What’s his deal? What on earth is he plotting? Something sinister, no doubt.

2. Age-related jokes – Humorous Birthday card

Age related jokes - funny birthday card

So, your friend is reaching a milestone birthday. They’re nervous – perhaps they haven’t accomplished everything they thought they would have by this age. Didn’t get that promotion, haven’t met the proverbial ‘one’, haven’t visited as many places as they thought they would have by now etc, etc.

Some people would exacerbate those fears by making a joke at their expense, but not you. You’re a good friend. You’re going to take the moral high ground. Well done. Plus – they genuinely are so old that it’s not funny anymore.

3. Serious fire hazard – Funny Birthday card

serious fire hazard - offensive birthday card

Hahaha. They’re getting old. So old in fact, that putting the correct number of candles on their birthday cake could pose a fire hazard. 

Maybe just send them this card instead, you know… to really drive it home. Then you don’t have to go to the trouble of buying all the candles.

4. Bucket Flaps – Rude Birthday card

happy birthday bucket flaps - funny birthday card by carshit

There’s nothing like a rude birthday card to show them you care. Now you can give them exactly what you’d write on their Facebook wall and see their insulted face and disgruntled reaction in person.

Why bother telling them how much they mean to you and what a positive impact they’ve had on your life when you can simply reduce them to their (presumably) freakish genitalia?

5. Couldn’t think of anything to write – Funny Greetings Card

couldnt think of anything to write

Are you always at a loss when it comes down to what to write in a card? Well, if the lovingly, hand-selected poems at the start of this listicle didn’t do it for you, maybe this artificial sentiment will – you cop-out.

6. Birthday finger up the bum – Funny Adult Birthday Card

birthday finger up the bum - rude birthday card

If you’ve always wanted to subtly proposition your friend but have never been quite the right level of drunk – then do we have the card for you.

You don’t even have to get them a gift, the proposition is the gift. Who doesn’t like a cheeky finger up the bum? Besides, didn’t they say they’d try anything once?

7. A little bit scared of you – Funny Birthday card

little bit scared of you - funny birthday card

What’s that old saying again? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? That’s why you befriended the scariest girl in your college/uni/office. Because you’re smart. That’s why you’re getting her this card. Well, that, and you’re slightly worried about what would happen if you didn’t.

8. Tenner – Hilarious Birthday card

tenner-funny birthday card

Incontinence isn’t funny… Unless it’s happening to someone else. Make your friend laugh so hard they pee their pants with this gag card featuring half a REAL Tena lady. Enough to insult them, but not quite enough to be actually useful. Perfect. Also, who doesn’t like to find a tenner in their card?

9. 2 things to remember – Humorous Birthday card

2 things to remember - funny card

Haha. Classic. Why dwell on the past? And whilst they’re at it, remind them not to dwell on the present, either. They’re not getting one.  They know it’s two weeks before payday. Drink your drink and be grateful.

10. Shot over your Mum’s back – Rude Birthday Card

shot over mums back - rude birthday card

If you really resent your friend for having a birthday, and in fact – their general existence as a whole – why not go the whole hog and just cuss them all the way out. Add in some bonus imagery of their parents ‘bumping uglies’, and there you have it. Nightmare fuel. That will show them for existing.

As always we will be providing you with some funny quotes to include within your Birthday card. If one of these doesn’t take your fancy then you should check out this hilarious list over at Greeting card messages.

Here are 5 great quotes to include;

“A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart.” – Anon


“I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful

before I’ve called them intelligent or brave

I am sorry I made it sound as though

something as simple as what you’re born with

is all you have to be proud of

when you have broken mountains with your wit

from now on I will say things like

you are resilient, or you are extraordinary

not because i don’t think you’re beautiful

but because i need you to know

you are more than that” – rupi kaur


“The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money” – Mark Twain


Best friends must walk a fine line between stopping their friend from making big bad decisions and encouraging them to make small bad decisions that are a lot of fun. And no one does it better than my partner in crime – Anon


If we didn’t have birthdays, you wouldn’t be you.

If we didn’t have birthdays, you wouldn’t be you.

If you’d never been born, well then what would you do?

If you’d never been born, well then what would you be?

You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!

You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!

You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.

Or worse than all that… Why, you might be a WASN’T!

A Wasn’t has no fun at all. No, he doesn’t.

A Wasn’t just isn’t. He just isn’t present.

But you… You ARE YOU! And, now isn’t that pleasant!

Happy Birthday To You!

Dr. Seuss

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *